Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Watercooler Wednesday #21 - Matt, the water god

On November 11th of last year Matt, the local water god, walked through our door with a wondrous contraption. A tall black cylinder that, if supplied with water vessels and electricity, would dispense a never-ending shimmering stream of cool, refreshing H2O. The peasants rejoiced.

Early last week our mystical  developed some disturbing symptoms. Its usual gurgley response to filling our tankards was distinctly absent, and its flow was abnormally slow. Being as we are not practiced in the arts of dispensary divination, we cast the bones and summoned Matt. After a few minor incantations and an absolutely amazing decapitation and reattachment, the gurgles returned. All was well again in the kingdom.

But our serenity would not last long. On Monday morning, as we bowed before its shiny black exterior gathering the chilled drops of dew from its small spout, the gurgles ceased. No amount of pleading or cajoling would bring them forth again. Luckily, before complete panic set in, we remembered the appropriate combination and summoned forth a vision of Matt, the water god.

After we explained the dire predicament we found ourselves in, Matt assured us that we would not die of thirst. Mounting his white chariot, Matt raced through the local wilds of Springville to bring relief and salvation to his devout followers. He arrived, and quickly rushed to the stricken tower.

An on the spot resurrection was once again attempted, but alas, the patient was too far gone. No matter the incantation or ritual, the gurgles of life refused to return. Upon a plea to know what had befallen the filler-of-beakers-with-clarity-and-coolness, Matt replied that an autopsy would be required before he knew for sure.

We thought all was lost, and that the kingdom would come to an end, but Matt said no, all was not lost. A new non-carnivorous contraption would be dispatched forthwith, and we would once again experience the ecstasy of agua.

At 8 o'clock this morning Matt arrived, toting a massive parcel. Inside was a brand new cooler, ready to fill our cups with life-giving sparkles. Huzzah! Praise the lord and pass the pretzels! It now sits behind me, waiting patiently to respond to my request for a draft with bouncy gurgles of pleasure.

As I close this tale of danger and redemption, I am nursing a tall goblet filled with glorious H2O, cooled through the good graces of Matt, the local water god.

Matt, I raise my glass to you. May your magic always hold true.

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